After a few months of absence devoted to writing my new book “VITE ASCOLTATE – Confessioni all’Isola d’Elba (LISTENING TO LIVES – Confessions on the Island of Elba) to be published in the spring of 2023, I come back with an article on a subject that always arouses a lot of interest: body language. Who is better qualified than an Italian to talk about this subject?
Communication is not limited to voice. Facial expressions and gestures, i.e., physical communication, are another essential factor in giving substance to the informative message. It is true that certain postures or certain movements can sometimes lead to false interpretations. Therefore, studying our body language becomes very important because it tells us a lot about ourselves and a lot about others. Getting to know our attitudes, our facial expressions, our gestures, recognizing the attitudes, facial expressions and gestures of others helps us to understand something more about them who speak to us or simply observe us. And us back. Studies reveal that body language can account for 50-80% of our communications. Let’s go into detail.
They send us several messages. An intense and persistent gaze with well-dilated pupils reveals curiosity and interest in the person in front of you. Eyebrows, moving involuntarily, if frowning indicate interest, and if raised – positive astonishment. In the yard, avoiding the gaze indicates discomfort and, if we add to this raising the eyebrows for a few seconds, it could indicate some discomfort.
Gesture is a very important aspect of communication between men and women. With the movement of the hands, we try to reinforce and accompany the meaning of the words. Between the two sexes there is usually a substantial difference, men are much less obvious than women. Touching your face, beard or hair is a way to show off or get the attention of the person in front of you. This gesture tends to emphasize his virility by expressing strength and self-confidence, but at the same time, not to be underestimated, it can indicate anxiety, dishonesty and insincerity. On the other hand, touching his tie would seem to indicate a strong interest in the other person. Try it to believe it! Thus, involuntarily imitating the person courted in his gestures is also an obvious sign of interest. We said that the hands accompany the words. If during a conversation you show your palms open and visible, it means that there is interest, trust, sincerity and openness towards the person you are talking to. With this gesture you want to figuratively show that you have no weapons. If, on the other hand, you tend to conceal your hands or keep them hidden, it is because you want to win a discussion or display a dominant position. A message can also be inferred from the handshake. When the hand is turned palm down, it means that the person tends to show some dominance over the other person. Some submission is revealed when the hand is placed palm up. If both hands are presented where the second hand grips the wrist or arm, it rather means that you are very comfortable with the other person and consider each other equals.
Keeping the feet turned outward indicates being more extroverted, while the opposite is interpreted as difficulty and anxiety in confrontation and building relationships. Generally, the feet are oriented towards the object of desire.
Posture can give us a lot of information to understand whether or not the person in front of us feels attraction, signalled by a forward chest, open arms and legs. However, if they intersect or overlap, they may represent a closed state. Different positions can be taken: in dominance, the shoulders are square and the hips point forward with the hands down. The legs will be close together and the weight will be pushed forward with the head and chin tilted forward if an aggressive stance is adopted. If, on the contrary, the feet move apart and the shoulders arch, it is because we tend to defend ourselves from verbal or physical aggression. In this case, the arms tend to cross them.
In light of what has been written, in order to understand if the other person has an interest in us, we must check these fundamental points:
– if he generally adopts an open position of the upper part,
– if the eyes are fixed and the pupils are well dilated,
– if the nostrils dilate as if to suck in more oxygen,
– if he keeps his hands clearly visible, out of his pockets and not on his hips,
– if your arms and legs are not crossed, but relaxed enough,
– if he tends to touch his face firmly,
– if he touches his hair,
– if he is looking for a closer contact.
We remind you that these are simple tips that I have extrapolated from experts in the field and that can help us better understand the person in front of us.
(Some sources consulted by A.Nascinben, L.Barbieri)