Verbal communication is crucial in relationships with others. But there are different ways to put it into practice, and experience teaches which words or ways to say are often inappropriate.
After immersing myself in Vittorio Caprioglio‘s book The Art of Communicating (Ed. Riza), I wish to summarize in this article some concepts that are fundamental in my opinion. The way we speak is important if we think that a single word can disrupt or prevent a good relationship. At the same time, a kind, friendly or courteous word at the right time can lay the groundwork for a future good relationship. Speech is the verbal way that expresses our feelings, our hopes, our dreams and our intentions. It embodies an energy that affects us and the environment. Although a study has revealed that verbal communication represents only 7% of exchanges, it is important to emphasize that the search for the right word at the right time deserves our full attention. A wrong word can hurt, in some cases, affect us or put us in an uncomfortable situation. As well as the “unspoken” or the “said too much” can cause stress. We must therefore get rid of the right word only when we think it is right; if in doubt, we should prefer silence.
The main types of words
Do you remember the saying, “Language kills more than the sword”? Or the mythical phrase said by Nanni Moretti “Are words important?” Well, always consider these two teachings and always think before you speak, so as not to run the risk of speaking inappropriately. types of words to keep in mind.
There are words which, if they are continually repeated to a person, can turn into a real “condemnation” for the latter. Think, for example, of the nicknames given by parents to their children: “bouboule”, “chubby”, “slut”, “lazy”, “head-in-the-air”, and other similar ones can be transformed into an indelible labeling that will be difficult to get rid of. So much so that science says how this unhealthy mechanism causes children’s self-depreciation and the real risk of identifying with such prototypes. So, let’s avoid using these words in public, because if the intention is to encourage them, the result we get will be exactly the opposite.
The same goes for adults: especially if they are used in a work environment, the words “footprints” indelibly reduce self-esteem.
The “more than …”words
In conversations, we often make involuntary comparisons and use the term “more than …”: “he’s better than you” or “she’s prettier than me.” This phrase, which may seem seemingly naive, is actually a source of worry and stress, because it leads to a confrontation with perfection, which, we all know, is impossible to achieve.Even words such as “never” or “always” should be used sparingly, because they weigh like rocks and often constitute a disadvantage difficult to overcome.
How many times did we want to say certain things in certain situations and we have not succeeded? The result is that these words “unsaid” buzz in our head, creating tension and anger. They may even turn into true states of discomfort causing sudden gastritis attacks. So, let’s avoid gnawing at the stomach and try to express what we really think, in the most correct and civilized way possible.
These are the ones we never wanted to say, the famous words of too much which, once pronounced, make us regret not being silent. Unfortunately, this happens quite often and torments our unconscious because they act in depth. Result of an instinctive and naive reaction of our subconscious, they are often the cause of embarrassing blunders. On the positive side, there is only the fact that they express what we really feel at the precise moment we utter them.
Often, during conversations or messages, we utter and write words of circumstance that, as such, do not sincerely express our state of mind. Always remember that if loving words are not really felt, they can create false illusions that ultimately can lead to depressive and painful states. We must therefore think carefully and pay attention to the choice of words to respect the sensitivity of the recipient.
These words are generally used by those who feel the need to speak clearly about everything, because they want to be sure to explain themselves. Basically, the speech should be clear and logical, nothing should be left to chance. It is important to rely more on spontaneity and avoid controlling everything.
They are pronounced by those who live in an ongoing relationship with the diet. You know, these people are usually full of little quirks like “Scrunchie”, “Treasure”, “My Heart”, etc. These people have an ongoing inner struggle between abstaining from food and indulging in food transgression. It is better not to think about food and use more essential language because the obsession of the diet blocks the energies of the metabolism and creates an inner frustration.
Anyone who regrets the past makes use of it. The typical sentences are: “I remember when it was better …”, “I would like to come back to 20 years …”, etc. The reminder, but especially the regret of the past, pollutes and prevents positivity and joy towards the future. The tone of voice and communication diminish. Talking and thinking often about the past creates mistrust and depression. So do it once and ironically.
They are often accompanied by frequent question marks that express an unconscious concern that is also reflected in the physical health of the person who pronounces them and it causes hypertension, tachycardia and excessive sweating. Phrases such as “we must organize everything first …” or “I would like to avoid unpleasant surprises” are typical of anxious people. Take a good walk before speaking and avoid using so many question marks and apologize before starting a speech.
They are typical of the austere and confident people of their work. People who create some sort of armor that gives them security. The most common phrases may be: “I have never changed in 50 years, I do not think I’m changing now …”, “It’s my way of doing things …”. For these people, gentle gymnastics and pilate sessions are recommended to further relax the abdominal muscles, stiffened by a posture always straighnten due to an excess of rationality.
These are the classic phrases that remain on the stomach. This will have happened to many people who did not respond appropriately or could not answer a question during a discussion. Well, in the long run, indigestible words create a dangerous inner tension. We must therefore try to resolve this internal malaise, even taking deep breaths.
“Well, it’s better if I drop …”, “I’ll never succeed …”, are the typical expressions of those who, by weakness or shyness, do not react to provocations. Obviously, this type of attitude not only lowers self-esteem, but can also physically cause eczema and cutaneous alopecia.
Remember that in our lifetime, we will always receive bad, inappropriate or malicious comments. And those who hurt us the most are those received from our loved ones or the people we love. They can leave ugly scars that heal with difficulty. “Do not do to others what you do not want to b
e done to you” and learn to weigh the words we utter before we let ourselves go to useless and harmful expressions.