Part 2 What to do?
You should not overanalyze the situation and think of all possible scenarios. At this point, too much thinking does not help. There is no need to dwell on the past: if you dwell on it too much, you risk doing so through a distorted lens.
Also, if you are in an emotionally unstable situation, it is easy to misinterpret reality and make serious miscommunications.
We need to be aware that if we don’t feel the same love for our ex-partner as we used to, the reason is that over the years the mutual attraction has diminished.
We need a new attitude
At the beginning of a relationship, the conquest is made through the inner and outer strength, the decisive attitude and the concrete energy that one shows. Falling in love resonates in each of us as a challenge and an element of novelty in daily life, without ever being too clingy or servile.
Let’s be concrete. You are a man and you want to win back your ex.
Often, when a relationship becomes stable, a man tends to lose some of his masculine energy and become more passive.
You may not have noticed that you have undergone a process of “demasculinisation”.
Within a few months you have become a tame puppy, easily soothed with a beer and a football match on the TV sitting on the sofa.
What happens when you get used to this kind of attitude?
You risk losing your masculine identity and becoming less attractive. Unfortunately, this behaviour often leads to the end of many relationships, as the woman no longer feels emotionally involved.
If you see yourself in this situation, it is important that you take back control.
Try to remember how you were at the beginning of the relationship and what attitudes won out. You were probably confident, boastful and able to inspire confidence.
Now, on the other hand, you may be scared and unsure, but you must do everything you can to reclaim your masculine self.
This first step will help you begin a process of emotional rehabilitation that will eventually allow you to win back your ex or choose a partner you really want.
What to do then?
Here is the first SECRET to winning back your ex: you need to spend time on the crucial step between breaking up and getting back together, namely rebuilding your reputation.
It’s important to change your ex’s perception of you, because if your reputation is compromised by your past behaviors, she will judge you based on her prejudices. To rekindle her passion, you must prove that you have changed and rebuild your reputation.
During the detachment period, you must act in a way that makes her question her beliefs about you, both directly and indirectly.
It’s not an easy process, but it’s the only effective way to have a chance of reopening the door that slammed in your face.
Is it possible to get your ex back by SMS?
It is important to understand that texting and chatting are not tools for meeting or getting together, but rather for getting the other person’s attention, creating sexual tension and getting them to think about you.
Seeing each other again and getting back together are positive consequences of having done the job properly through messages and chats.
Writing a simple “let’s meet for coffee” is a mistake because you need to flirt first, develop communication and rebuild intimacy.
Stop preconceived messages
There is no magic formula or standard message that works for everyone. Experts can help you write these messages, see the link below.
Sending pre-recorded messages, which do not take into account your particular situation, can only harm your situation.
On the contrary, the aim is to make the person you are writing to feel emotions through personalized and meaningful messages.
Let’s take a quick example: which message conveys the most emotion?
Message 1: “We booked the trip!
Message 2: “For months I worked tirelessly, saved as much money as possible and made many sacrifices. All this to give you the trip of your dreams!”
As you can see, the second message carries a much stronger emotional charge.
The emotions that the communication should evoke
You can use brevity and humour to evoke strong images in your ex’s mind and make them want you more.
Rather than explaining everything, communicate only a small percentage of your thoughts so that she is intrigued and wants to know more.
The trick is to involve her in the story you are sharing. Avoid sending a long message in one go.
Control the conversation with statements and avoid questions!
What does this mean? If you ask questions, especially trivial and obvious ones, it sounds like you are conducting an interrogation to get information. For example, if you ask “Did you go on holiday to that place after all?” the answer can only be yes or no, and no emotion is aroused.
But if you say, for example, “I bet you had a great holiday in that wonderful place”, you are not asking a question, you are making an assumption. This has a greater emotional charge and the answer will be related to the feelings felt at that time.
The ex knows that if she calls you, you will be there immediately, but this does not create any emotion or interest on her part.
You should avoid being too obvious and instead become a challenge to her.
Be hard to reach, like only answering her texts after a few hours or interrupting a conversation by saying you have to leave suddenly, leaving her wondering what happened to you.
This will create more pathos and interest in communication.
Don’t be pitiful
Before you met the person in your life, you were carefree and independent. Even when you are dealing with someone you don’t care about, keep this kind of attitude.
After all, it’s easy because you feel you don’t need them, you can do without them at any time.
But when it comes to your ex, the agonies begin and you become paralysed. You find yourself addicted and the tremor of withdrawal consumes you. You’ll do anything to get his attention, even trample on your dignity. Nothing could be further from the truth.
That’s why losing the attitude of needing her is the most important thing for your creativity to be stimulated in the right way.
How to get your ex-girlfriend back after months
Recontacting your ex-girlfriend after several months requires a lot of care and caution.
Before doing so, you must have worked on yourself, reaching a “state of grace” in which you are free of any excessive need for her.
Only in this emotional state can you consider returning to her gradually, adapting your message to her emotional state.
What to do to start this journey? Writing and verbalizing.
Take it easy. Look at photos that evoke good times and start writing as if you were sending a personal letter to your ex. Express without censorship how you feel about the situation, both to apologize and to make amends. In a second step, verbalize your emotions by integrating them into what you have written. Do not hold them back. This will help you to be sincere and credible. What for? Once you have freed yourself of a certain emotional charge by writing and verbalizing how you experience the situation, you will be decidedly more likely to say things correctly, to listen with less frustration, to find the right words at the time of the eventual meeting.
Once this is clear, a short message is usually enough to test the waters. Write a line or two about a mutual friend or a place you visited together. This way you can gradually start a new process of winning back.
If she responds angrily, it means she is not yet ready and you should proceed with caution. You can’t force things just because you want to.
What if she doesn’t respond? Silence is also an answer.
If she doesn’t respond or tries to limit contact, it could mean that she is annoyed by your presence. Don’t react desperately, avoid trying to feel sorry for her and don’t send a bunch of texts a day. You are not the only one suffering, she is also going through a difficult situation.
Take your time to nurture a new relationship. Only then can you both reach a new level of serenity. Winning back a relationship is really just a new conquest. Think about it.
If you moved forward cautiously the first time, why should you speed things up now?
Live this new moment of flirtation without hurrying and enjoy the wonderful game of seduction.
How to start writing to your ex
Watch for functional signals, such as when your ex starts to interact with you, directly or indirectly.
This may be through contact with friends or family, exploratory “likes” or commenting on photos of mutual friends. These signs indicate that your estrangement is affecting the other person’s perception of you, especially if your relationship ended in a hostile manner.
It is important to understand that when we talk about “starting” something different and positive, we mean that the process of getting closer is just beginning to bear fruit.
However, it is essential to emphasize that simply missing the other is not enough if it is not accompanied by a process of inner change, i.e., emotional rehabilitation. Without this, the problems will recur.
Therefore, the real sign of success in any win-back strategy is when YOU start to feel better and more centred, because only then can you successfully embark on the path to reconciliation.
After a break-up, it is better to communicate via text messages rather than direct confrontations (such as “I realized you were the right person for me”). Letting the relationship develop on its own naturally shows that you have changed.
If you are wondering what to write after the break-up period, there is no perfect message for every situation. Each message must be personalized and adapted to the situation.
To learn more about this topic, I suggest you take a look at this link:
In this way you can learn more about topics such as
– The mental paradigms you need to abandon if you want to rebuild a relationship with your ex
– Why “no contact” explained in the traditional way does not work
– How to deal with the presence of a “third wheel” that hinders your attempt to win back your ex.