Envious and jealous: how to recognize them and how to manage them

Often, jealous people are quite close people, whose only purpose is to harm the image of a friend, a colleague or an acquaintance. That’s how to deal with this …

“Jealousy is the thief of joy,” said Theodore Roosevelt. After speaking in a previous article on self-esteem, I turn now to the feeling of jealousy that I consider very connected to it.

It is not uncommon to meet envious and jealous people in the course of life. These toxic people care about your life more than you do yourself. They are often people close enough to us, whose sole purpose is to make a friend, colleague or acquaintance a bad name.


But what is jealousy?

The Treccani encyclopedia defines jealousy as “an unpleasant feeling that one feels for the good or quality of others one would like for oneself”. St. Thomas, on the contrary, called it “sadness for the goods of others“.

I would rather call it bitterness and sorrow for the happiness and prosperity of others. It is the desire to deprive the other of one’s goods, satisfactions or goals, in order to alleviate one’s own discomfort or suffering for what one thinks is personal injustice.

In order to avoid being subjected to the negative influences of these behaviors, it is fundamental to recognize the envy, and that is why, after having studied the subject in depth and being documented in this respect, I give you some landmarks.

Invidia3The envious person:

  • It tries not to recognize the importance or even to diminish what you tell them, thus lowering your personality.
  • It criticizes you, underestimates or always makes fun of you, even in public and usually in your absence.
  • She pretends shamelessly, displaying expressions of joy and false smiles to hide her desire. Beware of too many compliments! It’s definitely a signal!
  • She always flees when you need it, although you can seem to always count on it.
  • It imitates you in the clothes, in the projects, but also in the haircut. It copies everything or almost everything you do.
  • It often steals your merits and tends to come to the fore.
  • It discourages you easily and demotivates you with intent.
  • It disappears a certain time in life because your success is a sign of frustration and stands aside.
  • It does not speak well of the people she frequents regularly. This means that she will surely speak badly about you in your absence.
  • There are cases where envy or jealousy can lead to violence. Take the distances as soon as possible to avoid letting this happy.
  • invidia4

How to behave with someone who turned out to be a monster

  • Calm is the virtue of the strong. Take a deep breath and try to be kind and considerate with them. It’s not easy but it’s the best weapon to break it down.
  • To render the envious and the jealous inoffensive, there is only one way to ignore them.
  • Seek an interview with them. Express calmly and resolutely your discomfort by trying to solve the problem by diplomacy: you will see that rather than face you, they will avoid you.
  • Be available: they will be taken aback by your offer of help.
  • Show indifference by trying to see things differently but without giving them too much importance.
  • Do not boast of being surrounded by jealousy. You will give the impression of having created an image thanks to them.

I advise in all cases to be reserved, especially regarding your privacy. In this way, you will give less weight to arguments that can be used by envious people. Saying your successes, putting yourself in the center of attention, is a way to feed more and more people who do not expect anything else to ridicule you.

The important thing is not to destroy jealousy, but to learn to recognize it. So you can face it with a deep awareness of yourself.

What do you think about!