Affinity? How to discover it

When you meet a person, it is always instinctive to ask the usual questions: “What do you do in life?”, “What are your hobbies?”, “What kind of music do you prefer?” These are obviously important, but not sufficient to better know the person.

When I approach somebody new, I ask questions that normally help me understand his personality.

What is your next life project?

f3bfb5a54f8a48fb2e8b2f50d8f9d3a9_XLThis question helps to understand if the person is planning his life or living from day to day. Even if the answer is “make a chocolate dessert or go around the world by bike”, it does not matter. Anyone who has a plan for the future is certainly someone who has vitality.


Do you like to travel?

People who like to travel are open-minded and eager to know, inclined to diversity. Knowing the places he visited will help you understand your degree of affinity with him.

What are you so passionate about as not to see the passing of time as you do it?

The answer will allow you to understand the passion that the person puts in things. A person who has various hobbies that make him forget the passing of time is certainly passionate, but beware, this can be a double-edged sword because many hours of his life will not be for you unless you do not share the same interests.

What would you change in your life if you could do it?

This question allows you to dig into the person’s past and see if he is suffering from a great pain that has never been resolved. As far as he tells you about it, it means that he has confidence in you and that you are not a mere acquaintance. If nothing changes, it is a person who has reached his equilibrium and therefore tends to be stable.

What was your best meeting until today?

If you answer “it was meeting with Richard Gere at the Oscars” or “meet my first boyfriend / girlfriend near the fireplace on a winter night in a chalet in the mountains”, you will shoot soon the conclusions that before you, you have a romantic person.

If you won the lottery, what would you do first?

pioggia soldiWe were all asked this question. The purpose of this question is not so much to know what the person is doing with this money, but rather whether he is spending it on frivolous or rather necessary things.

Are you a religious person or do you believe in something?

This type of question opens up a debate on important topics that may help you understand his approach to religion and beliefs.

Are you more a visual, auditory or kinesthetic person?

Upon waking, the visual person will be more attracted by the brightness of the room, a more auditory person by the birds singing, a person more kinesthetic by the warmth of the blankets. The first one gives more importance to aesthetics, the second one to the tone of the voice, the third one to the energy transmitted.

Schermata 2019-08-31 alle 12.26.28What gives meaning to your life?

This answer is indicative of a person’s personality. Understanding ambitions is crucial: it is essential to determine if the person you are discussing with is more interested in career, family or valuables.


Then there are other questions that seemingly may be simpler, but may help you to know the person even more.

Schermata 2019-08-31 alle 12.30.33What is your favorite animal?

Regardless of the type of animal, this question reveals many things. Of course, if the person answers that he does not like animals in general, it can be an alarm on a lack of affectivity.

What would you change about yourself?

Assuming no one is perfect, with this question you will understand his degree of self-criticism.

Do you usually remember dreams?

Having a good dream activity – i.e. the ability to remember dreams, indicates that you are more active and sensitive to external auditory stimuli. Those who do not remember dreams tend to have a deeper sleep, so theoretically have a more relaxed temperament.

How many times have you fallen in love?

One must be wary of those who have fallen in love so many times and those who never have. In-between would work!

Komkommertijd-Eva-Simons-en-Sidney-Samson-uit-elkaarHow many hearts have you broken so far?

The one who answers “too many” is certainly neither reliable nor rewarding. On average, a man breaks at least one.


Ask these questions with delicacy and courtesy and never as if they were an interrogation: it could give the person the feeling of being watched and he may want to run away.

Try to use these questions and let me know if they helped you.

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What do you think about!